Honoring Dad

Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself.  

Kahlil Gibran

Cristobal J. Sanchez was wisdom.

Like him, I have the tendency to weep when my soul and spirit are touched by the sight of a new baby, the sound of a loved one crying, or the thought of a precious moment in time. I remember many such moments when a tear would well up in his eye and trickle down his rosy-ruddy cheek.  I remember his silent tears when Mom would say or do something that hurt one of us as she meted out discipline. I remember the silent tear that fell down his cheek when we gathered around the television to watch the Kennedy funeral.

Like him, I don’t often laugh out loud, but I enjoy a good laugh. Dad sat in front of the television set with a huge grin as he watched Fred Sanford, Lucy Ricardo, and the Hee Haw gang. I remember when he reached for butter and got margarine. “Dad, is that real butter?” we asked. “No, es la Margie,” he replied.

I try to be like him at his most unselfish – when he opened his home to extended family and he and Mom somehow managed to feed 20-30 mouths. When Dad came home in the evening from Los Alamos, he brought a package of Bit-O-Honey and distributed the individual candies into the small waiting hands of his children. He turned off the television news in order to sit and pray with the rosary with us. He built the house on Del Norte Lane with only the help of a couple of my uncles, and he lovingly maintained it for his wife and children.

We didn’t buy ties for Dad on Father’s Day – he rarely wore ties, which were too confining around his broad neck. He only wore them for extra-special occasions, like the weddings of his children.  Instead, we bought him Old Spice after shave, and he used it obligingly before going back to his Aqua Velva. We gave him white handkerchiefs, which he always carried with him. I remember ironing his handkerchiefs and carefully ironing in the creases. (My brother Anthony still carries white cloth handkerchiefs.)

I was in San Francisco when Dad went into hospice care in 1973. I remember getting the call on October 25^th to come home, as the time was nigh. I hopped on a plane the next morning, arriving in Albuquerque at about 1:30. Gil Baca picked me up at the airport and brought me straight to his room at St. Vincent Hospital on Palace Avenue. He was in a coma, but I know he was aware we were around. At dinner time, the family left to go home, but Cris and I stayed behind. As I held his hand and whispered, “I love you, Daddy”, his eyes were filled with tears, and one tear trickled down my cheek. He took one long, last breath.

Happy Father’s Day, Cristobal J. Sanchez. I love you, Daddy

Honoring Mother

This year marks nine years since Mom went to be with the Lord. As I did my meditation walk today, I thought about Mom, and growing up on Del Norte Lane. 

My memories of Estella Medina Sanchez are wonderfully sensory: the smell of fresh-baked bread when I got home after school; the feel of the safety pins attached to Mom’s apron when I reached out to hug her (she was always ready to fix a tear or replace a loose button with those safety pins; sometimes they were baby diaper pins); the taste of Mom’s apple pie, made from the apples that she bought from the flatbed truck that traveled up and down Del Norte Lane; the sight of Mom’s grandchildren and the daycare children climbing all over her as she sat in her chair in the living room; the sound of her reciting the first part of the Hail Mary, as we recited the second part, kneeling around the bed in the master bedroom in front of the picture of the Holy Family every night in May and November. I still hear the song-like cadences in my head as I pray my rosary when I need to gather the stillness around me.

I grew up at a time that through today’s lenses seems so simple. It was the time of Donna Read, June Cleaver, Lucy Ricardo, and Jacqueline Kennedy. I said, “Yes, ma’am”; willingly got on my hands and knees to wash and wax the floor; ironed pillow cases, handkerchiefs, and Dad’s t-shirts; and baked oatmeal cookies and lemon meringue pie from scratch (or almost from scratch – I did have to cook the Jello lemon pudding, but it used the egg yolks, and I used the egg whites for the meringue). I studied with my sisters and brothers around the dining room and kitchen table, with KOMA playing in the background. Mom saw to it that we did all of this, and taught us when necessary. I can still hear the sound of “I Wanna Hold Your Hand”.

Mom taught us to wash our clothes in a wringer washer attached by a hose to the kitchen sink, and we hung the laundry out to dry on the line in the back yard. In the winter, the wet clothes would freeze, and we would have to bring them in to drape them all around the kitchen and dining room to finish drying. I can still feel the frozen laundry in my fingers.

Mom taught me to crochet doilies – intricate pineapple doilies that, when finished, were starched with blue perfumed starch and ironed meticulously. She taught me how to sew on a beautiful black Singer sewing machine, which she used to patch the boys’ jeans to get a few more months of wear out of them. She made us colorful Fiesta dresses, with yards and yards of ruffles and rick-rack. We wore them with starched petticoats and went to the Santa Fe Fiesta festivities all dolled up. I remember the Fiesta dresses whenever I see rick-rack at Hobby Lobby.

In my younger years, my hair was short, cut Buster Brown-style by my Dad at the same time he cut the boys’ hair. As I grew older, Mom let my hair grow out. She made Shirley Temple curls in my hair on Saturday night, using strips from old pillow cases to form the ringlets. I still smell the Prell Shampoo.

It’s easy to reflect on sad, hurtful events – all of us have had them – but it’s more important to honor those we love with loving memories – all of us have them, too.

I have my mother’s hands, so I see them all day as I tap out words on the keyboard. I honor you Mom. Happy Mother's Day!

Mission Statement Part Five: In My Journey Through Life

In my Journey through Life, I will: 
Stop to ask for directions: Seek credible advice from Masters and Mentors  

In my life, I have had the privilege of learning from a series of  Masters and Mentors. These are my favorites.

In elementary school and junior high, I especially remember that Helmi Thompson, Sally Reyman, and Laura Beheler “had my back” – they taught me right from wrong, and helped me plan my life five, six, seven years in advance. Mrs. Thompson was a Girl Scouts leader, and she adopted me into the troop, helping me attain badges and self-confidence. Ms. Reyman taught me art – how to put colors and textures together into a life collage. She also taught me how to deal with death and loss, as the love of her life was killed in a mountain-climbing expedition. Ms. Beheler was a guidance counselor, and she taught me the necessity of high grades and extra-curricular activities as the keys to college scholarships.

Once I graduated from high school, I remember other special Mentors and Masters: Madelyn Phillips, Marie Dextre, Mercia Leton-Kahn, Cecilia Bankins, and Willard Wright.

Madelyn was the mother of my fiancé in the early 70s. She had traveled with her military husband all around the world, collecting treasures like snuff bottles and kukui-nut necklaces. She loved anything Polynesian; she taught me graceful Hawaiian dances, the beauty of colorful long dresses and toe-rings, and the importance of supportive partnership. She had coffee with her husband every morning, and waited for him to come home after his swing-shift, taking the time to listen to his stories. Madelyn taught me about being a loving partner. It was no surprise to me to find out recently that they died together.

Marie took me under her wing when I went to San Francisco. I knew no one and had no family, but Marie arranged for me to live in the Salvation Army’s Evangeline Residence for Women, across the street from work, and I became the daughter she never had. She taught me how to work in an office, especially regarding personnel and office management. She loved books and music, especially opera, and taught me to appreciate all music, regardless of source.

Mercia Leton-Kahn was one of the first ladies of Social Security. She became an attorney in the 1930s – a time when few women dared to study law – and started to work for Social Security in 1937, shortly after it began. She was incredibly smart, compassionate, and loyal to her constituencies. As the Director of the Medicare Program in San Francisco, she was my boss, and she wrote a letter of recommendation for me to enter the University of Baltimore School of Law. She taught me to aspire to the loftiest goals possible, especially education, but never to forget your roots and family.

Cecilia Bankins was my boss at the Department of Labor, Employment and Training Administration in Washington, DC. A beautiful African-American woman, Cecilia was the Human Resources Officer, and she trusted me to be a generalist in personnel management, independently servicing one of the largest and most complex components of the agency. Cecilia was spunky and playful, but carried herself as a consummate professional. Under her tutelage I continued to climb the professional and administrative career ladder. Cecilia taught me empathy, how to be a successful woman of color in management, and how to laugh when you would rather scream or cry.

Finally, Willard Wright was the Director of Personnel for the Health Care Financing Administration (now the Centers for Medicate and Medicare Services). Like Cecilia, he trusted me as a professional and an administrator. I was one of his Branch Chiefs, focusing on policy and program evaluation, and I spent hours learning from him, laughing with him. With Willard, I rose to be the highest-ranking Hispanic female in the Department. Willard had put in his years of service, and was looking forward to retirement. I probably had a chance to succeed him. I will never forget the time when I told him that I could no longer support our President and the actions he was requiring us, as administrators, to do. The agency was undergoing a reduction in force, and I left federal service with his blessing and support, and returned to Santa Fe. Willard still believes and works toward bringing up the younger generation to achieve all that they can be, and that is the legacy he left with me.  

From my Masters and Mentors I learned to be a Master and Mentor. I learned adulthood, womanhood, and my profession. I also learned that I was not entitled to anything: I had to work hard, study hard, conquer my shyness and introversion, ask for help only after trying to figure it out on my own, ask questions, and create art from vision. Most importantly, I learned to set goals and to ask for direction with a blend of self-sufficiency, curiosity, and “spunk” that prepared me for all of the blessings I have received.

Mission Statement Part Four: In My Journey Through Life

In my Journey through Life, I will:

Follow the roadmap: Know where I am and where I’m going

 

I pride myself at being a 21st Century kind of gal – I’m pretty adept at my computer (PC – I haven’t graduated to Apple yet); I can use Chrome, Office, Facebook, Google+, Twitter, and Linked-In; I purposefully equipped my car and learned how to use the bells-and-whistles like a Smart Key, Sirius XM, hands-free phone, and, of course, a heated seat. I can speak to my GPS so I can keep driving while it tells me how to get to where I am going. That is so much better than folding a map! (Ummm, do you remember having to use a map that requires a degree in engineering in order to unfold it and fold it back up? Or am I dating myself again?)

Anyway, the GPS will tell me where and how to reach my destination. If I miss a turn, it will “recalculate my route” and get me back on track. The key to successfully following a recalculated route is to know where you are, not just where you are going, and to pay attention to the directions being given.

Wouldn’t it be great if, every time we take a wrong turn – speak disrespectfully, gossip about someone, choose the wrong job just because it pays better, buy something even if it means going outside the budget – your route would be recalculated so you’re back on track, and you know where you are and where you are going? Joel Osteen talked about that in one of his talks: God knows where I am at all times and will recalculate my route if I make a wrong turn. I just have to believe that He will be my GPS at all times. What’s the key? I have to be aware that I made a wrong turn or missed a turn, and ask God. “A little help here?” I ask Him, and I listen for His response.

Of course, it always helps to have a navigator, even when using a hands-free GPS. The second pair of eyes and ears helps me to be more mindful with my driving. That’s how it is with life – it helps to have someone who can listen to me, to help me get my moral and emotional compass back to True North, and catch life’s nuances that may pass me by.