Metamorphosis

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you are in control of your own destiny. – Dr. Albert Ellis

(Written in October 2008, but posted in January 2009.) I have not updated this blog for several months. Perhaps this is because I have gone through another metamorphosis, like a butterfly going through its development, shedding its chrysalis when another season of warmth permeates the outer senses and it emerges, beautiful and free.

This is “Pat’s Passions”, and I write about what makes me passionate, what makes me happy, what makes me grateful, what brings me bliss. In the Spring of 2008 I was not very passionate, I must confess. I had vowed to remain in my job at Women’s Health Services until retirement, but I knew, I just knew, that the Universe was sending me a message.

I read a lot – or rather, I listen to a lot of books. My Ipod is one of the most critical tools in my life toolbox. During the past year, I read at least 25 books (some of which had several sections). I’ll write about that sometime. Four books and two beautiful persons had a profound impact during this time of introspection and metamorphosis: The Speed of Trust: The One Thing that Changes Everything by Stephen M.R. Covey, The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes, Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff, and The Passion Test by Janet and Chris Attwood. The beautiful people were my Life Coach, Carolyn Tjoland, and, of course, Maggie.

The Speed of Trust is what started my journey. Covey is the son of Stephen Covey of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People fame. In sharing what I learned from the book with my peers at work, I opened a Pandora’s Box of feelings and interactions that had good and bad consequences, depending on how “ready” the individual was to trust and be trusted. Radical changes began to take place, a gradual evolution over two years that culminated in a crisis of trust among my peers and my superiors. I read and re-read the book, focusing on my trustworthiness, and saw more of my path.

Much has been said about The Secret, good and bad. That’s a matter of personal judgment. In my personal judgment, I “got” the message of the three-step process of the Law of Attraction: Ask, Believe, and Receive. I “got” that thoughts become things: negative thoughts perpetuate negative consequences, positive thoughts perpetuate positive consequences. I “got” that I was focusing on how unhappy and toxic my worklife had becoming, and that was perpetuating the unhappiness and toxicity. I turned off that negative switch, and turned on the positive one. I put it out there, OK, Universe, these are my passions, light a path, close a door and open a window. New work opportunities appeared. Several opportunities came and I knew, I just knew, that the right one was on the horizon, and with a calm self-assuredness, I turned away from some opportunities. My current job at the Bureau of Land Management then appeared in my path and I was selected. There are no coincidences, just moments of grace.

In reading Happy for No Reason, I “got” the message that we can be happy for good reasons (such as hearing a joke, or having a happy life event), and happy for bad reasons (such as from substances such as drugs or alcohol, or laughing at other peoples’ misfortunes), but we must transcend to the level of just being happy – happy for no reason. It’s all a matter of perspective, gratitude, recognizing the good in every person and circumstance, and taking personal responsibility for my own happiness. It was then that the quote in the beginning of this blog came my way. I heeded the advice and took control. Moments of grace continued.

The Passion Test asks you to complete the sentence, “When my life is ideal, I am (fill in the blank).” For example, “When my life is ideal, I am inspiring others with my love of writing” or “I am feeling healthy, fit and energetic”. Starting with a list of these sentences, you look at the sentences and ask yourself, what am I more passionate about? You keep whittling it down until you have a list of the four or five sentences that reflect your strongest passions. I took the test, and found my passions. That will be the subject of another blog. I realized that my new life – my new job, my new circumstances, could become infused with my passions…oh, wow.

Carolyn Tjoland is an amazing woman – a highly competent behavioral health therapist who is also a Life Coach. I worked with her at Women’s Health Services and believed she could help me organize my journey. Normally, life coaching is done over the phone, but Carolyn graciously invited me into her home; it was warm and comfortable, but with the necessary structure to accomplish our purpose. I only had to work with her for a few sessions before I had the clarity and vision of what I could be and where my pathway was located. I created a Vision Board with pictures and words of my passions, made it into a screen saver, and put it on all of my computers to remind me and keep me focused.

To follow my new path, I had to make a transition. In Transitions, I learned the difference between change and transition. You change a light bulb, but you don’t change your life. You transition into the new phase of your life (job, relationship, home, healthy body, etc.) by recognizing there are three steps: an ending, a neutral phase, and a beginning. I had read this book the previous year, but I took it out and re-read it when I left my old job and prepared for my new one. I took two weeks off in August 2008 between jobs and used that period as the neutral time to prepare for the new beginning. I acknowledged the ending, redefined negative circumstances to positive, and embraced the potential of the new beginning. I felt liberated and blissful.

Through this entire ordeal, Maggie was also undergoing metamorphosis – her boss, Senator Domenici, became ill and announced that he would retire at the end of his term at the end of 2008. She had been with him 19 years. What was she going to do? As I pursued my pathway, so did Maggie. When the time was right, an offer of employment came from Senator Bingaman, and she transitioned from one Senate office to the other, allowing her to complete the requisite 20 years for her own retirement Again, there are no coincidences, just moments of grace. She hung in there with me, and I with her, and we are proceeding down our parallel pathways. We are not on the same path; we never will be because we are unique individuals. But the pathways are close enough to allow for reaching out in mutual support and encouragement. We are each in control of our own destiny.