Reflections on the Prayer of St. Francis – Day Three

Where there is injury, pardon

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi

Every day, I was dreading going to work. I spent work breaks in the restroom, crying and asking myself how things got to this point. I was trying as hard as I could, and all of my customers and co-workers noticed the quality of my work. But I just could not please my supervisor. Every time I was called into the office, I was fearful and felt like I needed some special kind of armor. I felt so demoralized, so inadequate, so weak. My nightly meditations brought me into balance, but once I stepped into the office and my supervisor walked through on morning check-in, my self-confidence scale tilted way over and I could feel my well-being slip away. I had already conquered a serious illness and now I was well on my way to a healthy weight-loss – how could I heal from this constant, daily hurt? Was I injuring myself by returning to the toxic environment every day?

I have learned that good things and bad things never just happen – they are the result of a series of actions and circumstances that have been spun by the Universe over time. If I am in a negative situation, what positive situation preceded the negative, and what negative situation led to the positive one? In one of my nightly meditations and prayers last year, I asked God to clarify the sequence for me, so I could see what could come next and act accordingly. As I did every morning, I prayed for wisdom and discernment. Suddenly (or so it seemed), a new podcast came into my iPod, featuring the book “Start – Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work That Matters” by Jon Acuff. I read the book, and it helped me kick-start my movement out of that toxic situation toward a new job, doing what I love to do. I created a Spark goal for this purpose, tracked it, and the negative led to positive. The new job came into being and I left my old workplace.

Still, I was healing, and to truly move forward, I had to forgive myself, pardon myself so I could start fresh. My new job required me to travel for long periods, so that I could listen and contemplate self-awareness and self-forgiveness. I focused on life coach Martha Beck and the “I Am Meditations” of Dr. Wayne Dyer. “I Am Healthy.” “I Am Grateful.” “I Am Abundant.” “I Am Forgiven.” “I Am Strong.”