Where there is despair, hope;
“Rainy days and Mondays always get
me down.” The Carpenters
We all have rainy days. Sometimes
they are truly rainy days, when our plans to take the family for a picnic are
washed away by torrential thunderstorms. Sometimes they are tearful days, when
the rain pours from our eyes as we mourn the loss of a special friend, or
despair at the loss of a job.
Over the years, I have had so many
rainy days, days when I believed life was pointless. I never questioned being
alive, and never ever considered ending it; I just questioned the fairness of
it all.
As an adolescent, I sat alone
on the back wall, crying in despair over the lack of a date for the big dance. Nobody loves me. I’m so alone. I’m never going to have a boyfriend. If I just
didn’t have this honkin’ pimple on my nose.
One Christmas, I was living near
Baltimore, sick with the flu and unable to come home to my family. I sat alone
in front of my little Christmas tree crying my eyes out. I’m missing Christmas
dinner. Nobody cares enough to call me and check on me. I’m so cold, and I’m
stuck here with my box of tissues and a barf bucket.
Another more recent day, I received
yet another rejection email from a job opportunity. I’m never going to get out
of this place. I’m over-qualified. I’m too young to retire, and if I did
retire, what would I do with my life? Sit at home and watch soap operas? I
went to the restroom to cry, and when I returned, I pounded my computer with a
sponge bat.
Of course, hope always came through.
I went to the big dance with my girlfriends, with a dab of makeup on my nose. The
gifts that I opened that Christmas morning were truly special and heartfelt; my
neighbor brought me a plate with turkey dinner; soon thereafter, I was able to
return home for good. After the job rejection, I got a job as a technical
writer, doing what I love to do, and what I want to be doing when I retire.
The Spanish word for hope and expectation is “Esperanza” (ess-per-AHN-zah), a very popular name for females
in my culture. With Faith and Charity, it
is one of the three virtues. Businesses that serve the hopeless or downtrodden
often take the name of Esperanza (Shelter, Church, Outreach Project…) There is
always hope, always expectation for the best. Human nature tells us to expect rain,
and then expect for the sun to come out from behind the clouds. New plants
sprout up from the rain-drenched patch of dust. A rainbow shines in front of
the rain drops.
Is it going to rain today? Probably
not, but I expect that it will soon – wonderful, soaking, cleansing rain to
nourish the plants that are preparing for winter sleep. I expect tears of joy
to come from somewhere today. Life is so good.
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