Reflections on the Prayer of St. Francis - Day Nine

To be understood as to understand

Seek first to understand, then to be understood – Steven R. Covey

For me, one of the most difficult of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is Habit Number 5, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” For over 12 years I have tried to practice the 7 Habits, and the biggest challenge has been Habit 5. I think it is because I had trained myself to multi-task: listen to a conversation while I listen to the activities around me, watch television, eat dinner, plan my activities for the next day, and ponder my bank balance. Researchers argue about the number of thoughts a human being has in one day – anywhere from 12,000 to 70,000. Even at the low end, how can one brain process that much? How can I savor the taste of the meal while I am worrying about reaching a work goal tomorrow? How can I appreciate the messages of my dinner partner if I am also watching (and solving) the Wheel of Fortune? More importantly, how loving am I being toward my dinner partner if we are sharing our experiences with Pat Sajac and Vanna White?

So I am learning how to be present at each moment, focusing on one thing at a time. If someone is talking, I try not to be planning my response, or framing the next topic of conversation, or paying attention to the hubbub around me. I learn so much more, give and receive so much more, simply by listening to every word being said to me. Hard to do? You betcha! I miss out on what is going on around me. Of course, there is some multi-tasking that I still do while I am listening to a conversation, such as driving safely while carrying on a conversation with someone in the car.

In my early days of multi-tasking, there were many times when I arrived at work with no memory of the trip. Yes, I had my day planned, or a response to the work issue that was vexing me, but I had also missed the beauty of the sunrise, the smell of early morning, or the sound of soft jazz. It was dangerous, to be sure, but it was also hurtful to my emotional well-being.

One of my Short-term Smart Goals is, “During the day, do and pay attention to one thing at a time.” When I prepare for my day, as I place my St. Michael medal in my pocket, I pray for wisdom and discernment, and in that wisdom and discernment, I pray for focus: to be understood as to understand.